The Cancer Spreads: Ads You Can Count On
Nov 26th, 2007 by Stephen

Beth wrote:Okay, so the other day I was eating a banana and I noticed that as usual there was a sticker on the banana peel. However, upon a closer look, I realized this was no ordinary sticker….it was in fact an advertisement for a stuffed animal for $6.99. Due to this new occurrence, I began to wonder just how far will advertising go to sell things? What items will be next in being absurdly stamped with logos or slogans……toilet paper? So, I figured I would turn to you, wise guru, and ask your thoughts, and if there is anything that you think will not be tainted in the near future with someone advertising something.
This is an exciting topic you have introduced. Advertising is quite the lucrative business. Google for example reaps billions in profit each financial quarter on advertising alone.
Let’s discuss advertising and where it’s headed.
Online advertising found the mainstream limelight with Google’s foray into the market. They developed and marketed a unique method of advertisement distribution, and are now rolling in the consequences (lots of cash).
If it is true that history repeats itself, this would suggest that one could find great fortune; if only they were to open a new frontier of advertising.
One frontier which has been developing over the last few years is videogame advertisements. Those being ads which are placed within the game world. This has proven to be profitable and as a result has continued to grow quite rapidly.
Nothing in life is free. But if certain advertising moguls have their way; you may find yourself with the option of a free phone and possibly phone service, all paid for by the advertising which would be integrated into the user interface and experience.
Let’s say you are an individual with venture capital interests. Let’s flesh out a few ideas which you could potentially use to great financial gain.
Wrapping paper with Ad’s:
Gift wrapping paper; this has already been implemented unknowingly by cheapskates around the world. You find yourself needing to give someone a gift. But you are either too lazy to go buy wrapping paper. Or you’re too cheap. Either way you end up using newspaper. The end result is the extra exposure those printed ads and news items receive by this gift giving experiences. This one would be difficult to implement.
Car dashboards and upholstery:
We spend allot of time driving and in our vehicles. It only makes sense to take advantage of all that empty space on your dashboard, floor mats, seats, and visor. Integrate displays into each item and you’ll have quite the advertising platform. People will want to buy your car because you’ll charge a minimal mount for the actual car. Recouping your expense with the advertising which you are able to channel into the vehicle over the span of its lifetime.
Sidewalks:
There are probably millions of miles of unused sidewalk space. That’s prime ad real-estate. Video displays have been integrated into cement already. It’s only a matter of shrinking the components needed for this, as well as reducing the cost of production.
Dreams:
People sleep anywhere from 5-9 hours each day of their lives. That’s an average of 174,440* hours of exceptional advertising time. Not only that, but it is likely you’ll be able to charge a quite a bit more for this, as the ad can be tailored to the specific user it will be delivered too.
Newborn babies:
Recently non-permanent ink has been introduced into the tattoo market. With this ink you are able to get whatever crazy idea you want etched into your skin. Then when you mature, and realize a flaming skull isn’t nearly as cool as you once though, you can have that skull and flames removed via laser. Supposedly without all the scarring that is a byproduct of the current tattoo removal procedure.
Couple this technology with a (yet to be invented) pain-free tattoo implementation technique. You could then begin offering reduced pregnancies at your local hospital. Depending on the contract that is signed (anywhere from 3 months to 18 years) your baby will sport a few corporate ads, but your baby will be free! And if you sign a lengthy enough contract, the thing can pay for its own schooling! Yeay, kids are fun!
Ads:
The end all of all frontiers for ads will ultimately be advertising. Simply because there will exist no surface unadvertised on. And once this saturation level has been reached. The only way one can advertise, is to buy space on advertisements which already exist.
In the end of the day it appears this is evolution. We are all destined to become advertisements.
*Average calculated based off of 7 hour a night average, 356 day year, and 70 year life.
Title image used with permission and courtesy of Celyne, check out the original here.

condoms… i think the next frontier for advertisements should be on condoms. what better place to stick a coke cola logo than in someone?
p.s. this idea is mine, copyrighted even. back off.