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Bombs and hero's

Cassie wrote:

Okay, let’s say you’re put in a situation (you can pretend if you want to be Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris or McGuyver or heck, Dillon from Beverly Hills 90210) where you have to dismantle a bomb. There are 3 wires. A blue one, red one and a yellow one. How would you decide which wire to cut? Would it be as simple as ”Eeney, Meeney, Miney, Moe”? or would there be some cosmic mathematical equation that would help you choose?

Cassie,

An excellent question.

I’m going to be Chuck Norris in this situation. I’ll assume those characters were listed at random. As Chuck would handily dispatch of Jack Bauer…though Jacks shouting would definitely be intimidating. And the 90210 boy is obviously just the whipping boy for either of the aforementioned heroes.

I’ve never been too keen on math per se, and I would doubt any results of Eeney, Meeney, Miney, Moe.

This leaves me with a riddle.

Again, I’ll put myself in the theoretical situation.

If I were a local unlawful individual (as Chuck Norris is apt to deal with) I’d realize that it did not matter what I did with the wires when building the bomb. Nor would I particularly care if the bomb were functional.

It is after all, Chuck Norris, with whom I am dealing. Therefore the only conclusion is that I’m going to end up dead anyway, and the objective of my bombing exploits unachieved.

Let’s take this a bit further.

This leaves us with Jack Bauer. He is kind of a sissy (in comparison to Chuck Norris), and also; if I am pretending to be Jack Bauer, it is likely I’m dealing with a terrorist and not an unlawful individual (though terrorism still does qualify for unlawfulness) … somehow terrorists are more shrewdly in their activity. So because I’m dealing with a terrorist, it also means that I am the terrorist building this bomb.

I’d say the yellow one. Because in all the training video’s I’ve seen as a terrorist (those being Die Hard 1, 2, and 3. Speed. Lethal Weapon 1, 2, 3. etc) my opponent will likely be choosing between a blue wire and a red wire. Therefore I can only conclude on success if I were to wire the bomb in such a way that the only way to deactivate it was the yellow wire. This is of course assuming that all bombs require a “deactivate” wire.

However, Jack Bauer — the sissy he is in contrast to Chuck Norris — is still pretty hardcore. And I’d likely end up dead (as the terrorist) before I’d a chance to A) romance his daughter (Kirsten Dunst) and/or B) complete the assembly of the bomb.

Though not before he ended up killing one of his co-workers, or at least dismembering a limb of said co-worker.

The end.

Ps. I neglected to address “McGuyver”. For the purpose of this writing and without much knowledge of McGuyver; I project that he put up a great defense against Chuck Norris. But all his household gadgetry simply resulted in the delay of his death by 4 seconds. This was given as a courtesy by Chuck Norris before killing him by way of death to the eye.

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5 Responses to “Wired Explosions And Hero Legends”

  1. on 01 Jun 2007 at 11:56 amcassie

    McGuyver is the shit.
    He would dismantle the bomb 800 seconds earlier than Chuck Norris and then bang Dillon from 90210 before Jack Bauer even knew that the wires capable of being cut were red, yellow and blue.
    But I like your thought process.
    Thank you for your insight on this subject matter.

  2. on 01 Jun 2007 at 12:08 pmStephen

    Cassie,

    Thank you for your comment. I’m afraid you may be a little confused on the subject of McGuyver.

    Perhaps this little known fact will help you understand.

    There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

    Humans are in the animal kingdom (maybe not scientifically) and therefore Mr. McGuyver has only been gifted his time here on earth by Chuck Norris. 800 seconds nothing.

  3. on 01 Jun 2007 at 1:46 pmcassie

    psh.
    fine.
    but only because chuck norris has a sexy man beard.
    and he can do karate kicks.

  4. on 12 Jun 2007 at 6:44 pmAdam

    Did you know that Chuck Norris tears can cure cancer?

  5. on 10 Jan 2009 at 3:24 amMarcia Harding

    hi
    x7i16kytsvk5olf1
    good luck

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